


The Voice Inside My Head, Says Follow Me Instead

by caicalico (orphan_account)



Series: The Kaleidoscope in Our Darkest Corners [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse Mentions, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Its actually so fluffy dont let the tags throw you off, M/M, Mood Swings, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Canon, anxiety attack, so fluffy tho, so much love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 19:52:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9919793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/caicalico
Summary: Tsukishima Kei has bad days. His boyfriends tried their best to help how they could, sometimes it wasn't enough, but they loved each other and they made exceptions and they understood.//Title from March To the Sea by TØP





	

Bokuto opened the door to their tiny apartment, his arms laden with grocery bags. He slipped off his shoes with a struggle before proceeding to call out,

  
“Tsukki? Kuroo? ‘Kaashi?”

  
Apparently no one was home, which was odd because Tsukishima’s class should have ended over an hour ago meaning he was usually the first to get to the apartment they all rented, the one that smelled slightly like burnt pancakes.

  
Bokuto entered the main room humming under his breath and went into the cluttered kitchen adjacent to the living room.

  
As he was setting the bags down on the counter he heard a rustling from the couch. Needless to say he nearly jumped out of his skin before realizing Tsukishima had been sitting quietly with his headphones on, silently watching some western TV show that he had on mute.

“Oi, Tsuki you can’t scare me like that!” Bokuto laughed quietly. Hearing no snarky response Bokuto walked around to the couch where the taller sat. Music came blaring from the headphones around his ears, and Kei’s gaze was set on the English subtitles only he could understand.

  
_Ah, it’s been a bad day_.  He thought before tapping the headphones twice to get Kei’s attention.

  
Tsukishima visibly tensed, looked up slowly and relaxing when he realized it was Bokuto.

  
"Hey Kou.” Kei said softly after slipping the headphones off his ears and pausing the show he was watching, something about castles and magic. g, something about castles and magic.

  
“Hey love,” said Bokuto before sliding in next to Tsukishima, he reached out to Kei and brought him into his lap silently, “How was your day?” A sigh escaped Kei’s lips before he snuggled in closer to Bokuto’s warmth.

  
“I don’t really want to talk about it Kou,” Bokuto nodded with a little difficulty, still getting used to Kei’s silence. He un-paused the show, setting Kei’s headphones back around his neck so he could go back to his peace, the bubble Tsukishima put around himself wasn’t always good, sometimes it made Bokuto feel like he was lacking, he knew Kuroo felt it too, Kuroo and Bokuto were brash and loud, something that Tsukishima and Akaashi both has trouble with. But they loved each other, and they made exceptions, and they understood.

  
So Bokuto sat still, and let Kei cuddle into him, slowly running his hand through the blond curls. Careful to avoid hitting the headphones. Bokuto may not be good at quiet but he loved Kei and because of that he was.

  
“These idiots came up to me at lunch," Came Tsukishima’s bitter voice, "They stared at me for a long time until Tadashi got up the nerve to ask them what they wanted." His face showed no emotion as he talked but his voice cracked on the last syllable. He knew Tsukishima would beat himself up over it later. Bokuto didn’t reply, he just made a small hum from the back of his throat which Kei knew meant, go on.

  
“They said that, there’s no way you could love me, any of you. And, um, that I’m just a bully who forced you guys to love me.” Kei’s breath hitched in his throat and he turned his attention from the TV to Bokuto's fingers, which Kei had pulled into his lap. “That isn’t true right? I didn’t force you three to l-love me right?” He was whispering the last part. Kei grimaced slightly as if he was trying to convince himself that it was true.

  
Over time and many frustratingly voiceless fights, Bokuto learned that Kei absolutely hated sharing what was going on in his mind. So this little confession of sorrow made his heart break that much more,

  
“Baby, I know I don’t speak for myself when I say that I love you because of who you are, just because you have a sharp tongue doesn’t mean you forced me to love you.” Bokuto pulled Kei a little closer after that to comfort him any way Bokuto could.

  
Running his fingers along the blonde’s spine. Kei mumbled something that sounded like ‘thank you’ into Bokuto’s shirt and sighed happily into the touch. Bokuto knew that Tsukishima was still running the thoughts through his brain, and he would for a while. But he also knew that Kei had to deal with it on his own or else he wouldn’t feel satisfied.

  
“What are we having for dinner?” said Tsukishima after a while,

  
“Ugh you had to remind me,” Tsukishima snickered at the tone of his voice, “why did we decided to alternate cooking? It's going to kill me one day I swear.”  
“One day soon I hope.” Kei teased lightly, poking the muscle on Bokuto’s shoulder.

  
“You wound me Tsukki, you really do.”

  
“Mm, a tragedy.” Tsukishima’s eyes were already turning back to the TV, as the human space heater that was Bokuto moved away to stand.  
“Do you want your weird American hamburgers tonight or hot pot?”

  
“Burgers please,” Tsukishima looked up to smile softly at Bokuto and he could feel his heart swell

  
“Well then you are getting burgers, my love.” He swooped down for a kiss to which Tsukishima happily returned. “Am I the best boyfriend or what?” He mumbled against Kei’s mouth,

  
“Eh,” he deadpanned, Bokuto laughed loudly and turned to enter the kitchen again.

 

~~~

  
Tsukishima stood in the kitchen door and smirked at the sight of Bokuto with his long dyed hair tied back, while wearing an especially dumb apron around his waist.

  
"Nice look you have there Kou." He laughed behind his hand when Bokuto didn't even bother turning around, just giving Kei the finger while still flipping the hamburgers.

  
"Just get out the cheese Kei." Bokuto sighed. Tsukishima hummed noncommittally and opened the fridge.

  
"Kou! Kei are you home?" Keiji's voice came from the hallway,

  
"In the kitchen 'Kaashi." Kei called back.

  
"Hey love, how was your day?" Bokuto asked, Akaashi sighed before slumping himself onto the kitchen bar stool.

  
"Long as hell, also Kuroo says he'll be staying late at practice today." With that Keiji stretched before walking over to where Bokuto was cooking. Akaashi took one look at the burgers Bokuto was flipping before saying, "How was your day Kei?" Tsukishima's face steeled and he stiffened against the counter he was leaning on. Sometimes Akaashi's power of perception was scarily accurate.

  
"It was," He took a heavy breath, "eventful." Akaashi nodded before shuffling closer to Kei hesitantly. "Do you want a hug 'Kaashi?" Akaashi nodded and Tsukishima's face broke in a smile. Akaashi pressed his face into the crook of Tsukishima's neck and breathed in deeply while Kei threw his strong arms around Keiji's shoulders. It was rare when ever Akaashi showed affection physically, so both Bokuto and Kei were surprised.

  
"Akaaashiii~ I want a hug too~" Bokuto whined, Akaashi just huffed and motioned for him to join the hug silently. Bokuto grinned and happily skipped over to hug both of his lovers tightly.

  
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Came Akaashi's muffled voice from where he had buried it in Tsukishima's shoulder.

  
"Mmm, these assholes just decided to bother me, Kou and I already talked about it." Akaashi nodded and yelped a little when Bokuto brushed a kiss onto his forehead softly.

  
"Kou you are going to burn the burgers." Tsukishima deadpanned after releasing Akaashi.

  
"Awh dammit!" Bokuto turned quickly to the stove and fussed over the food frantically.

 

~~~~

  
It was later in the night as he curled up between Bokuto and Kuroo when Tsukishima thought about the words his classmates said to him again. Quietly, as to not wake up his boyfriends, he sat up and grimaced at the thoughts running through his head.

  
_Of course they are just lying, they couldn't love you_.

  
_Fuck off,_  was Kei's first thought in reaction to that but slowly, slowly, thoughts started seeping in.

Like how Kuroo hugged Kei last when he got home, or how Bokuto hesitated before saying I love you the other day, and how Akaashi could hug Kuroo just fine, but never liked to touch Tsukishima. Or how the last time Kuroo said I love you was five days ago, and maybe Bokuto said it today, but he didn't mean it. He couldn't have because Tsukishima Kei is a mistake, and he was never going to be good enough for these perfectly imperfect boys whom he had somehow tricked into loving him.

_Oh god he was a horrible person for making them think he was lovable. He was so sorry to them for that._

Tsukishima didn't realize he was hyperventilating quietly into his fist until a few minutes later when Akaashi stepped into the room.

_Oh fuck he didn't wake up Akaashi all the way in his room had he? He must really be horrid._

Tsukishima's nails dug into his palms as Akaashi padded over to him silently.

  
"Kei, honey, deep breathes, come on with me in and out okay?" But it wasn't okay and Tsukishima knew it, he looked at Akaashi and tried to copy his breaths but Kei felt like he was drowning in his own thoughts,

  
"Kaa," an involuntary breath cut him off, "Shi," He was barely able to strangle out his name. Kei reached out slowly as he choked on a small sob.

  
"Its okay baby. Its okay," Akaashi took Kei onto his lap and hugged him tightly, helplessly, desperately to comfort him any way he could. "I'm so sorry baby I should have noticed earlier, I'm sorry baby." One arm flung around Kei's shaking shoulders and the other hand carding slowly through the blonde curls.

It took a while, almost an hour for Tsukishima to loosen his grip on Akaashi and his breathing to even out.

  
"I'm sorry Keiji I didn't mean to wake you." They were sitting on Akaashi's bed, somehow during it all Akaashi had carried him into his room.

  
"It's okay Kei I didn't mind." Akaashi smiled lightly,

  
"I know you don't like these things. I should have calmed myself down." Tsukishima was looking down with his face set in a heavy grimace.

  
"Kei," Akaashi grabbed his face and turned it to him, "I will never be bothered by your anxiety, I am your boyfriend and I love you, damn it." By the end of Keiji's little speech Tsukishima was albeit happier.

  
"I love you too 'Kaashi," With that Akaashi turned out the light and laid down next to Kei, Tsukishima made to go back to the room Kuroo, Bokuto and he shared but Akaashi grabbed his sleeve and looked up at him meaningfully.

  
"You can stay Kei." He scooted over in the bed slowly and Kei laid down hesitantly,

  
"Are-Are you sure?" Akaashi nodded once and curled up in Tsukishima's warmth, sighing happily. Maybe it wasn't a lot, but they had made it through another night and they were okay.

 

Needless to say they each had a hard day, but they made exceptions, and they understood. And they loved.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote half of this at 2:30 am while having a breakdown, it is the longest thing I have ever written fanfiction wise. It's currently 3 am and I need to go the fuck to sleep.   
> EDIT: I JUST REALIZED I FUCKED UP THE SPACING SORRY 
> 
> Little things you might not have noticed or misunderstood!!  
> -Akaashi hates being touched because of past abuse but he's coming around and trying his best.  
> -I actually do the headphones while watching TV thing a lot and its really helpful for blocking out unwanted thoughts/ blocking out noise.  
> -You can tell me Bokuto doesn't use lovey dovey pet names... i wont believe you but you can tell me.


End file.
